


I love what is not allowed

by Kiros_Odyessy



Series: McGenji Week 2020 [1]
Category: overwatch
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Fluff, Hanzo Shimada is a Little Shit, Hanzo tries to be a good brother, M/M, McCree is wholesome, McGenji - Freeform, McGenji Week 2020, Negative Thoughts, Shimada brother bonding, Talk about missing limps, Zenyatta is my baby, no beta we die like men, non established relationship, pinning, semi happy ending, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22666030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiros_Odyessy/pseuds/Kiros_Odyessy
Summary: Genji thinks it’s wrong for him to be in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Genji Shimada
Series: McGenji Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630624
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	I love what is not allowed

The sun was barely starting it’s ascend into the morning Gibraltar sky but Genji Shimada was already awake.

He sat in the newly formed gardens alongside his Master, Tekartha Zenyatta, as the pair did their morning meditation. 

Genji sat, legs crossed in the lotus position, as he tried to reflect upon the past to better his future. This was a technique his Master had taught him when he first arrived at the Shambali Monastery, a broken man. 

He didn’t take to the technique at first, the memories were far too painful to think about. Eventually it became a useful method in his mental recovery and helped him to become the man he was today.

Although the meditation helped him then, it seemed he was failing at it now, his mind too full of too many questions to focus on anything helpful. 

Most of those questions revolved around Overwatch’s residential Cowboy, Jesse McCree. 

Although Genji joined Overwatch right away, it took MCCree two months to reply to the recall. Genji and the rest of the guard from the Original Overwatch assumed that anyone that didn’t answer was dead, so when Jesse eventually arrived in Gibraltar, Genji was confused why he felt relief? 

It wasn’t that he wanted MCCree dead, it’s just the two weren’t very close. Genji couldn’t remember forming many bonds with anyone during his Blackwatch days, something he ended up regretting when he first arrived, ready to be a better man and everyone was still weary of him.

It didn’t take long for him to prove that he was a changed man and to form many bonds with his teammates, including a very strong bond with MCCree. 

It was odd, he had fought alongside the man for years and they were barely friends then. Yet the pair have only been reunited for a few months and they were the best of friends now, practically inseparable. 

A mechanical humming broke him from his thoughts.

“You are thinking too hard my student.” Zenyatta hummed gently. Genji sighed in frustration, opening his eyes as he took in his Master's floating form. “Just take deep breaths and let’s the images of the past flicker through for mind.” 

Genji took a calming breath in, closing his eyes again as he tried to follow Zenyatta’s advice..

It didn’t help. 

All the images that flashed through his mind were of Jesse and no matter how hard he tried to even let thoughts flicker through his mind but he always found himself focusing too hard on the memories. 

The memory of when they first re-meet. Genji was nervous about how Jesse would react. Genji wasn’t the most friendly or even civil person back in Blackwatch. What if MCCree resented him? Or worse, what if MCCree didn’t believe he was a changed man? That he was too corrupt and violent to be a part of the newly formed Overwatch. 

As It turned out, he had nothing to worry about. Jesse welcomed him with but open arms, literally. The man crushed him in a bear hug, saying it was good to see him again, making a quick joke that green suited him better before letting go and greeting the next familiar face. The interaction had left Genji feeling warm and craving more. 

He recalled the time Hanzo had responded back to his offer to join Overwatch and the nerves he felt seeing his brother again, out of combat and hostility. He talked to Zenyatta who offered his support and comfort but he still couldn’t shake the nerves. 

He decided to confine himself to McCree, which ended up being a big mistake. The older man wasn’t happy that Genji was “inviting that murderer to their top secret base where actual good people live.” 

It was their first fight and their longest. McCree refused to talk to him right up until Hanzo arrived, two weeks later. It was very hard on Genji, he was honestly a wreck and when MCCree finally started to talk to him again, he was the happiest he had felt since the start of their argument and that worried him.

“Genji.” 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Zenyatta once again. 

“Yes, Master?”

The Omni hummed, the mala beads around his neck started to spin rapidly as he stretched. 

“I think we are done today.” 

Genji went to protest but Zenyatta had already raised his palm up, silencing the other man.

“Your mind is preoccupied, I’d rather you spent the day reflecting on why that is instead of forcing you to try to meditate with me. We can try again tomorrow morning.” Although his voice was synthetic, Genji would feel the concern coming from the monk. 

He was instantly hit with a wave of guilt for worrying Zenyatta. He nodded his head in agreement, choosing not to fight the omnic on his decision. 

He simply bowed goodbye to Zenyatta who nodded in acknowledgement before he repostitioned himself to further his own meditation.

Genji walked down the hallways of the watch point aimlessly. His thoughts are full of one Jesse Mccree. 

It was obvious to him that he had a crush on the cowboy, he was no stranger to the fluttering butterflies in his stomach when it came to the older man.

What terrified him is that he seemed to be obsessed with the man, constantly thinking about him more than he ever had about anyone he had ever fancied before. Genji had had his fair share of crushes growing up, all it took was one night to sleep with them and the feelings would normally evaporate, causing him to chalk it up to lust. 

He found that he didn’t want that with McCree. The thought of just bedding the man and being done with him made him sick to his stomach. 

He found himself daydreaming about more intimate and affectionate scenarios of the two together. Light kisses and tender touches filling his mind and making him feel giddy with glee. 

His train of thoughts were interrupted by a hard chest as he walked straight into it, almost throwing him off balance if it wasn’t for his cybernetics legs, detecting his off balance and locking him into place. 

The person he walked into hissed as Genji’s metal jaw came into contact with their body. Genji was for once, thankful that he wasn’t wearing his helmet. 

“Genji.” A southern drawl, happily greeted. Genji's stomach knotted up at the sound of McCree’s voice. The smaller man stepped back and gazed up at the cowboy. 

“McCree.” He smiled nervously, oh how he wished he had his mask on now. McCree has seen him without his mask a few times before but he was still nervous nonetheless, he always expected people to look upon him with pity or disgust. 

A silence fell between them as Genji just stared at the other man like a deer caught in headlights. 

“You ‘right, Genji?” MCCree furrowed his brows, concerned. That snapped Genji out of his gaze and into action. 

“Yes, I am well. I’ll be leaving now.” And with that he spun on his heel and tried to make a run for it. 

“Hey, wait!” MCCree reached out and grabbed ahold of his wrist. 

“I was looking for you actually.” MCCree smiled, letting go off his wrist reaching up to fiddle with the brim of his hat, a nervous tick of his.

“Me?” Genji barely muttered out, his stomach was doing somersaults now.

"Yeah, I wanted to see if you wanted to spare like the good old days?" The cowboy grinned wolfishly.

The good old days? All Genji can recall from their sparing days were him being overly aggressive and Mccree having a big mouth. Reyes had to pull them apart more times then he can count.

Mccree seemed to have come to the same conclusion as Genji because he pulled a face. 

"Well, maybe not EXACTLY like the good ol' days." Mccree chuckled, slinging his flesh arm over Genji's shoulders. Genji's heart was beating so rapidly that he could hear his pulse thumping loudly in his ears. "So, whaddaya say?" 

He was so caught up in the feeling of having McCree this close that he almost missed what Mccree said, barely managing to murmur out an agreement before he felt Mccree pull him towards the gym. 

... 

Turns out he should have stuck to his guns and fled before McCree dragged him into this. 

Being able to spar with McCree again was fun, he had his own metal limb now to block Genji’s attacks without hurting himself. 

Having his own cybernetics strengths even gave him the upper hand to push Genji to the ground and effectively pin him. Which would have been impressive if Genji wasn’t too busy freaking out over the fact that being shoved roughly to the ground with the other man's weight atop him, wasn’t making him rock hard. 

Luckily for him, his modesty panel was more than enough to conceal his boner. Although it was very tight and restricting and made concentration all that more difficult than it should have been.

The two men were circling each other on the mats, waiting for the other to move. McCree quickly stepped forward, easily grabbing Genji and pinning him once again. Genji barely had time to register before he was face first into the mats for the 4th time in a row. 

MCCree lips were pulled down into a frown as he helped a frustrated Genji to his feet. 

"What's wrong?" He asks concern written all over his features. Genji’s heart would normally be full at the receiving end of Mccree's concern but today just wasn’t the day.

It seemed to matter what Genji was doing; his mind and body just didn’t want to cooperate with him. It was like his entire being was pinning for the Cowboy today.

“I’m fine.” Genji accidentally snapped out, he swatted Mcrees arm off his shoulder. 

This only seemed to concern MCCree more. 

“You’re obviously not fine, Genji, I liked to think I could take you down that easily but we both know that ain’t true, so what’s on ya mind?” 

You! 

Genji really did want to scream at the idiot in front of him but instead choose to just walk away before his frustrations really did get the better of him. 

“Nothings wrong, even if something was, I wouldn’t want to talk about it with you!” He sneered, no way was he talking about his love problem to his man that unknowingly held his affections. 

Mccree's face dropped at Genji’s outburst but The Cyborg had already spun on his heel and was heading towards the door. 

... 

Genji didn’t know what to do or where to go. He knew that McCree wasn’t the type of person to leave things to air out during an argument and would soon look for him to try to sort through things and that was the last thing Genji wanted right now.

He needed to go somewhere that the cowboy wouldn’t be able to find him. He thought long and hard about The Gibraltar Watchpoint’s layout and soon came up blank. There wasn’t anywhere he could think of that MCCree wouldn’t be able to find him, the man practically grew up on this base. 

Just as he was about to give up and go ask to be thrown onto a last minute mission, an idea popped into his head. 

Perhaps instead of looking for a place MCCree wouldn’t be able to find him, he could just find company Mcree wouldn’t approach?

He needed to find Hanzo.

It didn’t take long at all, Genji found him on the first try. 

There was a little spot the two climbed to often, just to get away from the base and the prying eyes as they tried to rekindle their relationship. Hanzo was known to use the spot quite often to get away from the judgmental looks of their teammates. 

“Heya Hanzo.” Genji cheerfully greeted as he pulled himself up and onto the cliff edge that towered over the base. 

Hanzo was leaning back against the rocks edge, glasses perched on his face and a book in his hand. 

He merely looked up for a second, raising one eyebrow before looking back down at the book and turning the page. 

“So, what are you doing?” Genji pressed on, he needed a distraction and what better one then annoying his big brother?

“What do you want Genji?” Hanzo boredly asked, not even taking his eyes from the page. 

“What?” Genji feigned innocence “can’t I just check up on my brother from time to time.”

At that Hanzo actually did look up from his book to properly look at his younger brother, frowning when he did so.

“What is the matter Genji?” Hanzo said so earnestly that it threw Genji off guard.

Despite forgiving Hanzo and the two growing closer, their usual way of bonding was through sarcasm and teasing. They reverted back to the only, albeit, childish, bond that the two could remember before everything got ugly. 

Seeing Hanzo now, looking at him with such concern, it made him feel so many emotions, he wasn’t prepared to feel today. 

“I-“ The younger man started before cutting himself off. Was he really going to talk to Hanzo of all people about McCree? He could do that, they pair didn’t even like each other. 

No! The only way they were to strengthen their bond was to start putting trust back into each other, perhaps a half truth would suffice for now. 

“I had an argument with McCree.” He sighed, sitting on the edge on the cliff, his back to Hanzo, which was a real testament of how much trust he has in his would be murder. 

Hanzo was silent for a moment, no doubt making a face at the mention of McCree.

“What happened?” He eventually asked, surprising Genji that he didn’t make a comment about the cowboy.

“I wish to not speak of it.” Genji sighed as he closed his eyes. “I seeked you out as a distraction.” 

Hanzo was quiet once again before Genji heard shuffling. He reopened his dark brown eyes as he felt Hanzo sit next to him. The older man looked very nervous and slightly uneasy as he placed his hand on Genji’s shoulder. 

“Did you tell the Cowboy about your feelings?” 

Genji startled as shock ran through his body. 

What the fuck did Hanzo just say? 

He whipped his head to face his brother who was looking sincere again, this time nothing but dread welled up inside him.

“What are you talking about?” Genji nervously blurted. How the fuck did Hanzo know? Maybe he could play it off?

Hanzo gave him his signature bitchface, he wasn’t going to fall for Genji’s lies. 

“We May have been apart for over a decade but I know you Genji.” Hanzo sighed, turning his body fully towards his brother. “Back in Hanamura, before… everything.” He trailed off before clearing his throat and continuing. “You were always surrounded by Friends and lovers alike.” 

Genji scrawled, 10 years later and Hanzo is still going on about his playboy days.

“What I’m trying to say.” Hanzo rather loudly said, cutting off the train of thoughts he undoubtedly knew was negative. “You don’t treat MCCree like one of your friends, past or present nor do you disregard him like one of your flings.”

Genji was silent as he listened to his brother's explanation. Had he really been that transparent? Or was it simply because Hanzo knew him so well? Panicked seized him momentarily as a horrible thought wormed its way into his mind. 

Did McCree know?

He felt a familiar pounding in his head of a headache coming on. He groaned at the dull thud, placing his head in his hands as he tried to force it away. 

“If you haven’t spoken to him already about your affections, Brother, you should do so soon.” Hanzo suddenly stood up and stretched. “I am going to leave you to stow in your thoughts until you realised I am right.” He smirked before packing his little belongings into a small satchel and started to climb down the small cliff. 

Genji watched him walk away wordlessly. His thoughts were too busy on McCree to even find the brain power to retort.

Long after Hanzo was gone, Genji finally found a semi state of peace as he watched the ocean from a distance. 

He contemplated Hanzo’s advice and found himself daydreaming about confessing to McCree. 

He imagined the initial shock on McCree’s face, quickly followed by one of his lip splitting grins as an overwhelming sense of happiness overtook him because he loved Genji too! 

The pair would instantly kiss, wanting nothing more than each other at that moment. Whispering how much they loved one another as they desperately tried to breath in more air between kisses. 

They would want to wait for sex but wouldn’t be able to help themselves. McCree would take the lead and worship Genji's body, love every inch of him, both metal and flesh. He wouldn’t discriminate, kissing everywhere he could before finally touching Genji were he needed him most- 

His thoughts were interrupted by something blocking his vision as something hauled itself up and onto the ledge Genji was seated on. 

“Whew, that’s enough physical activity for me.” MCCree gasped out as he laid in his back beside Genji. 

Genji jumped in his spot, his face blushed horrendously at the fact that he had sprung two boners over MCCree today while being in such close proximity to him. 

Genji didn’t say anything as McCree sat next to him and looked out over the ocean as well. 

Genji thought back to his fantasy and frowned, would MCCree really want to be with him? The thought of the other man loving him more than a friend was ludicrous at best, he couldn’t even imagine the man being physically or sexually attracted to this body he thought miserably. 

"Do you miss being able to swim?" Mccree asks, his voice sounding very nervous and guilty even. Genji jumps, he had almost forgotten McCree was even here, the man was usually a very loud presence. He thought over what MCCree asked him, and became very confused at the question. 

McCree must have noticed his confusion, he flickered his eye to and fro between Genji and the wide blue expanse of water across from them that Genji had been intensely staring at. 

When Genji didn’t reply right away MCCree started to babble. 

“I’m sorry if that was a rude question! I just figured you wouldn’t be able to swim with the cybernetics and you definitely couldn’t swim without them, I know I can’t.” He gestured down to his own metal arm. “I know I miss it.”

Genji frowned at McCree’s arm, other than his age, McCree was mostly the same when he returned back to Overwatch except for his obvious missing arm. 

When asked about it by his old friend, he just laughed and made up some tall tale or sarcastic remark.

Despite their close friendship, he hadn’t even told Genji what had happened, which he didn’t hold against the man, losing a part of yourself is something you never want to relive. 

"No, I don't miss it. I couldn't swim well before.." he trails off looking down at his body. 

Mccree looked shocked at his revelation, letting out a hearty laugh. 

"They don't teach ya ta swim during ya ninja training do they?" He chuckles, elbowing Genji with his metal arm. His body jolted with the force, undoubtedly the impact of the metal would have hurt anybody who didn’t have Genji’s body. He smiled slightly at the thought, there was one plus to being made out of metal. 

"No, seriously what's wrong?" Jesse asked, all humour falling from his face as he realized that Genji really wasn't acting like himself. He had been more reserved today, not laughing at any of his stupid jokes or getting up to his usual shenanigans. He was acting more like Blackwatch Genji and that was a scary thought.

“Did something happen with Hanzo?” He suddenly asked, coldly. 

Genji whipped his head around at that.

“No, why would you think that?” He squinted his eyes at the older man, Did Hanzo say something to him.

“Just, he came looking for me, said I should find you and see if you’re okay, is all.” MCCree scratched the back off his neck awkwardly. “I just kinda assumed he wanted me to fix his mess.” 

Genji is going to kill Hanzo. 

That’s it, it’s decided. 

“What’s actually the matter, doll?” MCCree whispered, leaning over and taking one of Genji's hands. “You’ve been off all day today.” 

Genji was silent once again. How could he even begin to explain to McCree, his best friend, that he was in love with him? 

That he wanted to be with him in the most intimate ways possible? 

That he’s scared that no one would want to be tied down by someone like him? 

Although his body is fully functional it isn’t conventional and he’s scared that he’ll never find love because of it. 

Genji was silent for a moment, eye’s close as he breathed deeply through his nose and out through his mouth. 

He tried to Meditate as he gathered his thoughts.

"I love what is not allowed."

He opened his eyes once again and glanced at MCCree, gouging his reaction. 

The cowboy looked stunned to say the least, his eyes were wide as he openly stared at Genji, shocked. 

"I dont understand whats that supposed-" 

"Imagine wanting something so badly that you're willing to do anything, Anything for it!" Genji starts, frustrated as he tries to get his point across to the other man without indirectly telling him about his feelings. 

McCree nods his head. 

"Okay, not that hard." He hums, listening intently. 

"Now imagine that the unattainable thing is a priceless gem." 

"Priceless gem, check." Mccree grinned as he closed his eyes, like he was visualising the whole scenario. 

"Now imagine that you're more machine than human." 

Mccree's face fell, eyes snapped open instantly. 

“Wait- Genji-“

"Which you have accepted. You have been to hell and back and you're proud of where you are today." He gave Mcree a look. The older man furrowed his brow, obviously still not happy with Genji talking about his cybernetics in such a negative way. 

"Where are you going with this?" Mcree raised his brow, obviously unhappy.

Frustrated, Genji ran his hands through his black hair. 

"Just because I've accepted myself doesn't mean others have." 

Mccree looked shocked. 

"Genji, you should know that everyone here loves you and accepts you for you." Mccree agrugued, giving his friend a stern expression. 

Genji only grew more frustrated! The other man just wasn’t getting it, no one would willing be in a relationship with him! 

He was a playboy in his prime years before the incident with Hanzo happened. Since he had been brought back in an unfamiliar metal body, he hadn’t been approached romantically once.

"Genji?" McCree squeezed his shoulder a little, Genji seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and he was very worried. 

Genji let out a choked sob that made the older man's blood run cold. 

"I've been pieced back together to live, pieced back together to fight but nobody wants a man who was pieced back together to love." Genji finally snapped. There were tears freely falling down his face now. 

“Shit.” McCree muttered before pulling his best friend in for a hug, squeezing him hard against his chest. Genji didn’t even have it in him to feel overwhelmed or embarrassed by how close MCCree was holding him, all he needed in this moment was him! He pushed his face into the cowboys chest and breathed in his scent. 

He felt McCree's chest rumble as he started to speak, and that, mixed with the steady thumping of his heart beat, were very calming for the cyborg and he felt himself get heavy with sleepiness.

"Listen, I may not know who's got you in knots like this but what I do know is that they’re an absolute fool if they don’t love you for who you are darlin’." 

Genji melted at his kind words, feeling very warm and loved in this moment. 

He knew that McCree wasn’t confessing to him right now but he couldn’t help the roll of his stomach and the flutter of his heart. It felt too close the what he wanted that he let himself live in the moment. 

"Thank you." He whispered back, wanting nothing more than to sit up and kiss the other man.

"Anytime, partner." Mccree winked, slowly detaching himself from the smaller man before standing up. 

"Come on." The cowboy, offered his hand down to Genji, "that master of yours is trying to cook human food for us again and we need to go and be supportive." He chuckled. 

Genji’s face split into a grin, McCree really was a kind and thoughtful person.

The first time Zenyatta tried to cook, Genji couldn’t even identify what was on his plate and after one tiny teaspoon that he couldn’t even swallow, he was done.

McCree braved through the whole thing and left his plate clean, he congratulated Zenyatta on his first dish and even gave him some pointers to improve.

Later that night when Genji asked MCCree if he actually liked it, the cowboy just smiled uneasily and said, 

“I’m sure it would have been great if it wasn’t raw.”

Genji was mortified to hear that. “It was what?” He gasped. 

“Yeah, pink as a pig on the inside, now, can you take me to Angie? I think I have food poisoning.”

That was a long two days, with McCree in the medbay, constantly throwing his guts up. 

When Zenyatta caught wind of what happened, he was crushed and vowed to never try and cook human food again. 

McCree, the sweetheart, refused to let that stand. He told Zenyatta that the only thing wrong with the food was that it was undercooked and that it was a simple mistake. 

Zenyatta still wasn’t convinced.

McCree never let it go, constantly encouraging the Omnic to try again, even offering to teach him some simple recipes he knew. 

Looks like all his hard effort and persistence nagging had paid off. 

“Promise me that you won’t force yourself to eat the food if it’s raw.” He laughed as McCree pulled him to his feet. 

“I can’t make any promises, I must taste test all his dishes if he’s gonna get better.”

Genji glared at him. 

“I appreciate what you’re doing for him but he isn’t the only person I care for McCree.” 

With that Genji mustered up all the courage he could and kissed McCree on his prickly cheek. 

“Come, let us go.” He whispered before pulling the shocked cowboy towards the kitchen by the hand.


End file.
